Love Left Forgotten
by CloudxKadajLover
Summary: Kadaj is confused by his thoughts and can possibly get what he's always wanted from the least expected person. Rated T for shonen ai, CxK.


**A/N:** Okies, this one is emo and sad like Memories...came out of NO WHERE...and yeah. I hope you like it...;;; And of course I own nothing but the plot! I hope I kept them in character...please tell me if I didn't! Enjoy!

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Turquoise eyes looked up at the starry sky sadly, almost desperately, as he felt sometimes he just wanted it to take him away. He didn't want to feel this confusion, this sense of being lost anymore. He didn't belong in this world.

But then, where did he belong?

Sighing, the beautiful youth tried to sort out the thoughts in his head, as he had tried many times before. However, they refused to settle, to make sense, or to be understood. It was as if someone had just thrown them into his head, and expected him to deal with them whether he liked their presence or not.

_'But I'm just a puppet……..that's my purpose isn't it? Puppets don't think for themselves…….they just do as they're made to do.'_

This statement made the teen shudder slightly, almost surprised he thought of such a thing.

_'I'm not just a puppet……..I can think for myself…….at least sometimes. Doesn't that make me the least bit human?' _

Asking himself the question wasn't going to help any, so he pushed it aside. Folding his arms on top of his knees, he let his head fall on them, and closed his eyes. Maybe when he found Mother this would all go away……

Mother……..she seemed to be the only reason he had to live for. Why she was so hard to find was beyond him, but he'd find her one day. Something told him he would. Now that he thought about it, he didn't know very much about Mother………was she the kind, loving person he had imagined she would be? Or was she someone entirely different? After all, why would Niisan and Rufus be trying so hard to keep her away from him?

Now he was thinking _too _much. That was foolish. Who cared what anyone else thought about Mother, he knew he wanted her- needed her- and that was all that mattered. It was what him and his brothers we're brought on this planet for. For the reunion. Once that happened, everything would be fine…….right?

'_But what about Sephiroth? Why do I feel that Mother loves him more? She shouldn't be choosing favorites……..but maybe it's because I haven't done enough yet. Once I have, she'll appreciate me more……….won't she?'_

_'But what if she doesn't? Then Sephiroth will take my place and……I won't exist.' _

Cat-like eyes filled with tears at this realization, and all his thoughts vanished as he began to cry, quietly at first, then his sobs got louder as an empty, lonely emotion took over him.

He felt……….unloved.

The blonde swordsman walked through the enchanted forest, seeking peace and quiet for awhile. He doubted it though- his thoughts and memories would always stay with him no matter where he went.

He thought he heard something and paused. Listening, he heard light sobs. Going toward where he heard the noise, the sobs got louder- was someone crying? He couldn't distinguish the voice…….

Finally, after pushing through some bushes, he found the source of the loud sobs and got a shock.

There was Kadaj, hugging his knees and weeping terribly, not even noticing Cloud was a few feet behind him. He must have been so absorbed in crying he didn't even hear the bushes being moved.

For a moment the swordsman didn't know what to do……should he leave the remnant alone and go elsewhere? Who's to say he wouldn't turn violent the minute he noticed the blue-eyed man was there?

But……..the person crying in front of Cloud wasn't his enemy……it wasn't the cold-hearted villain he knew. It was a child……a lost, young teen who didn't know what his place was in the world.

Not sure what came over him, the blonde knelt down behind the upset teen, and wrapped his arms around his neck gently, in a comforting way. The puppet's sobs quieted somewhat and to Cloud's relief, he didn't try to pull away. Instead, he grabbed the gloved hands tightly, and sniffled.

Forgetting about the assumption that Niisan was a traitor, Kadaj turned around and hugged the swordsman tight around the waist. He sobbed lightly on his shoulder, and felt comfortable as those strong arms wrapped around him. He didn't feel so lost…..

When his tears finally subsided, he pulled away and returned to his previous position. For several moments, the two brothers said nothing, simply sat there, trying to absorb what just happened. Blue mako eyes blinked and looked at the quiet teen.

"Feel any better?"

The teen looked at his Niisan.

"A little….."

Silence came between them again.

"Niisan……."

Cloud looked at Kadaj.

"……why did you comfort me? Don't you hate me?"

A surprised look came onto the blonde's face.

"No……"

Not sure what else to say, he fell quiet, ignoring the teen's shocked expression.

"There's no reason to hate you. What you've done wasn't your control."

Although shocked, the rebel felt relived. _'He understands_ _me……….'_

"Niisan……..you know about Mother don't you?"

Cloud nodded, suppressing a shudder. That horrible, evil alien referred to as a mother……

"What do you know about her that I don't? Why are you trying to keep her away from me?"

These questions had bothered Kadaj since he came into existence and he wanted answers from the only person that might know them.

The quiet man sighed.

"….If I told you that your….mother isn't who you think she is……that she isn't very…..'motherly' at all…….would you believe me?"

The silver-haired teen pondered carefully for a moment. '_So my thoughts weren't foolish after all……..Mother really doesn't love- no wait, why should I believe Niisan? He's a traitor after all…….but no he can't be. He's so kind…….he even held me to make me feel better. Wouldn't that mean he cares about me? Traitors don't care about the people they've hurt…..no, Niisan's never hurt anyone. He has a heart under that cold façade he likes to put on…….and if he cares about me, what reason would he have to lie to me? He doesn't look like the type to lie…….Besides, what mother would make her child go through this……?' _

Tears threatened to fall from his eyes again, but he held them back. Believing Niisan would change everything……….it would eliminate the teen's purpose on this planet…… _'If I don't search for Mother then……..what am I to do?'_

Cloud watched Kadaj's thoughtful face, wondering when he would decide to answer. If he didn't believe him, that was expected……….but why would he take this long to say no?

He saw the teen's head nod slowly, but he wasn't looking at him. Finally those bright mako eyes met his and the teen nodded again.

"…..yes. I'd believe you."

The swordsman's eyes widened slightly, but he said nothing. Then:

"How come?"

"Because………I'm not sure. There are so many things I don't know……..but I don't think that a mother would……want their child to….have to hurt others…..just to find them. And…….you said you didn't hate me, so why would you lie to me?"

The youngest remnant was intelligent after all. Sighing, Cloud felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Well, this would change things.

"But what am I supposed to do now?"

"Whatever you want."

Kadaj blinked at his brother, who turned to look at him.

"What do you want? Putting aside the thoughts in your head, or what Sephiroth wants, what do _you_ want? What are _you_ looking for?"

The teen was quiet for a moment.

"I want………I want to know what love is. I've heard of it, but I don't know much about it……only that its supposed to be a nice, comforting feeling. Something that makes you happy. I want to be happy…….so I want to know what love is, to experience it. And I thought finding Mother would……"

He trailed off, but he didn't need to finish the sentence. Cloud already knew what it was.

A random thought occurred to him, and he continued surveying the teen, who was looking at the ground.

"Experience it you say?"

Kadaj looked up.

"Yes……"

The spiky haired blonde thought for a moment. _'What the hell is wrong with me? First I hug him, now I want to kiss him? I don't even know him_……_not nearly enough……but I……no, I can't love him……care about him, yes, even if I don't know why. But do I love him….?'_

Shaking his head slightly, as though trying to rid of this thought, he cast his eyes back on the teen.

"I can…….show you…..the gist of it at least."

Sad eyes widened in surprise.

"You- you can?"

"Well……yes. If you want to know what it feels like."

The teen nodded, moving closer toward his Niisan.

"Yes……..that's all I've ever wanted."

Somehow, the soft, innocent way the youth said this was enough for Cloud to decide to carry out the intimate action. Moving much closer to the youngest remnant, he put his hand behind his head, and kissed him. He felt the teen tense up, as he didn't know what this was- but once he realized how gentle and warm the kiss was, he relaxed. Kadaj hugged his brother again- nothing at all seemed to matter at the moment, nothing except this…….and how it made him feel.

After a few moments, the blonde pulled away, feeling content. He almost chuckled at the teen's dazed look, but it faded away as Kadaj let go of him, and looked back at the ground in thought.

"So that's what it feels like……"

It was warm and comforting…it was soothing……it made him feel……good, to say it simply. He couldn't describe it in words………wonderful maybe?

"You don't have to carry on with this."

His Niisan's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"You can change your fate. I don't want you to disappear."

Cloud's expression dropped, and while the teen's own expression was one of sadness, his sprits lifted at the fact that Niisan really cared about him after all. He embraced him again.

"I don't want to either……"

"Then stay with me."

Kadaj looked up into those cerulean jewels.

"You'll be safe. And you can live your life anyway you want to."

"But…….."

The teen sighed.

"That's nice of you to offer Niisan but…….if I leave, Yazoo and Loz will come looking for me. And if they find me with you, they'll try to hurt you. They wouldn't understand. And I don't want to run away for the rest of my life……"

Silence overcame the two once again. Kadaj almost wanted to cry again, but an idea occurred to him.

"Or……maybe….I could talk to them. I'm their leader after all."

"You'd think they'd believe you?"

"I don't know. But I can try."

Feeling a bit better, he looked up at the stars again. It was late……and knowing his brothers, they were probably worrying about where he was. He got up, the blonde following suit. They looked at each other for a moment.

"You live at the church right?"

Cloud nodded.

"I'll see what I can do…….and I'll go see you. But I can't promise anything."

The rebel hated saying this, but he didn't want to hurt his Niisan. The blonde nodded in understanding.

"I know."

He expected Kadaj to leave now, but he didn't.

"Niisan…….I just want to say……anything that I've said or done…..I didn't mean it…."

"Kadaj-"

"And if I don't come back…….if I don't see you again like this…..I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. But I'm not sure what's going to happen. And……"

Blushing slightly, the teen moved closer to the swordsman and kissed him, happy to feel Cloud's arms wrap around him in a tight hug that he returned. He didn't want to leave this security……this love he felt……but he had to for the moment. He pulled away, looking lovingly at the gorgeous man.

"…….thank you."

Smiling weakly, he turned and walked away. He'd never imagined it, but at this moment, walking away seemed so hard. It took all the restrain he had not to run back into the swordsman's arms.

Cloud watched him sadly, but didn't stop looking until he was out of sight. Sighing, he wasn't sure how he felt. All he knew was that he was anxious to see if the teen would return or not. He headed off back to the church.

And there he waited.

Day…….after day……after day……

But Kadaj never came back.

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I know, sad ending . But it's a sad story so…..shrug Don't hurt me! The other one was happy! XD anyway I hope you like. Reviews appreciated!!!!! 


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